R.I.F. - Reading Is Fiddymental

I hate everything about 50 cent. From his music to his face. The mere thought of his voice has ruined activities I once found enjoyable, like partying like it's my birthday, and window shopping. I took my collection of half dollars to the bank and traded them for paper money. I stopped wearing bullet-proof bustiers. And then today, the best newspaper on the planet, the New York Post, told me that Fiddy wrote some books so I might be changing my tune. I shoulda knew something was up when I saw this picture and didn't vom.

The article says: "In his new series, which includes "The Ski Mask Way," "Death Before Dishonor" and "Baby Brother," the newly crowned Shakespeare of urban street literature says he's creating a series of books that complements the type of music he creates. Mostly inspired by his life on New York City streets, where he was famously shot nine times, the books all have common themes - drugs, sex, women, sex, incarceration and more sex." Which is precicely the kind of literary ignorance I'm feelin right now.

My favorite part of the article is this: "I'm also planning to make one of my ventures condoms," he says. "The kids and people in general become immune when you constantly beat them over the head..." I cut the quote short because it's funnier that way.

and now here's a passage from The Ski-Mask Way: "He put the mask on and picked up his gun, cocked the hammer and pointed it at his reflection in the mirror over the dresser. "I want everybody to lay the f$&# down or else it's on." He laughed a loud wicked laugh. Then he whispered, "What have I become ... what have I become?" He took the mask off and sat on the edge of the bed, looked at the picture again. A tear trickled down his cheek."

Shakespeare, yo.